I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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