yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
