this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
