Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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