She announced her abortion via fbk
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
