I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
