Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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