You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
