Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
