Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
