Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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