I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize