Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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