And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
