nut hugger
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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