i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
