"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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