you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
