fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
