I wish I could teleport
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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