Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
