one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
