I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
