I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
