i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
