I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
