I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There are leaves in my underwear?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
