I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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