I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He passed out mid-signature
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
