I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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