Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The air was thick with penises
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
