Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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