he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
