I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
