I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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