if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
