she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
