heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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