I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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