I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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