someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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