Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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