I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Life is so much better after having sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
