he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I looked at my own cervix.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That accounts for only three of the penises
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I forget how to act sober
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
