wakey wakey hands off snakey
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
