she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
