Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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