just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
