You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
