And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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