Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
