So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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