Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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