There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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