Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
