she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize