Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
