Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i out mim tonsoeep
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