Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
