I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
