hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
