Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
