Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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