I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I could fuck to npr.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
