What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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