You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
