shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
