My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
