I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
