i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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