Come see our sink grown plant.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
