good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
