Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
