those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
