Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
