my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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