I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
